This morning I forgot to set my alarm and I overslept. I found myself dragging my feet while getting everyone ready trying to spend more time with the kids, but alas McLaine can't miss too much summer school and Beckett has to be dropped off by 9. I'm enjoying my new schedule working days, having a weekend, and being the one to tuck my kids in every night. However, I find myself missing them throughout the day. By the time I go to get them in the evening I'm craving them! So mommy guilt was creeping in this morning telling me that someone else is getting all my children's time and I'm getting the leftovers. Worst of all, vice versa: Something else is getting all of my time and my children are getting the leftovers...
I think it's inherent mom nature that we question ourselves when it comes to the care of our kids. Have I made the right choice moving to this schedule? Am I there for my kids enough? Am I letting someone else raise my kids? Do I let them watch too much TV? Am I less of a mom because we don't do daily homemade arts and crafts like I see on Pinterest? Will my kids suffer because I'm not making a wholly organic, clean eating homemade meal for them every day? I could go on and on, but the biggest source of guilt for me revolves around being a single parent. Will my kids be ok even though they're being raised by me alone without a dad in the picture? I'm just one person, and I try really hard to be everything but that's impossible. Trying to do and be everything burns you out rather quickly.
On the way back from dropping McLaine at school, I was listening to The Joy FM. Susan Merrill (director of iMOM.com) was on the program and they were speaking specifically about mommy guilt. (I love how God speaks to us with exactly what we need to hear in all kinds of different ways.) I was meant to hear this today and I wanted to share it.
Susan said that God places us in the lives we live. He plans this life for us because it's where we are meant to be and what we are meant to be doing. He also gives us each unique callings and talents that we are supposed to use to serve Him. Moms today are pressured by society to serve or cater to our children way more than moms in the past did (which is creating a very entitled generation of kids). Clearly as moms we must care for and nurture our children, but we must not ever forget that we serve God first and our families second. There is always a reason why we are in the place we are and if you are heeding God's call, you're in the right place doing the right thing and God will make up the difference. Let go of the guilt.
In this season of my life, I am a single mother to a child with special needs and a very active toddler doing the very best I can on my own. I was placed into this life for a reason. I don't know that reason, but I trust in God. Switching to a day schedule right now is a step in the direction of heeding a call to work with children, families and special needs. I pray that even though I'm not always there and my house is messy and sometimes dinner is what I threw into the microwave and we don't make homemade crafts much and maybe we watch a little too much TV, that my children feel how enormous my love for them is. When they question that, I pray that God "makes up the difference." I'm letting go of the guilt today.